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It's Not Just About You

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a blog by lashaundra

Infertility seems like such a lonely disease, but it can actually affect an entire family unit.

Whether you were recently diagnosed with infertility or you've been battling it for quite some time, it can have what I call the "I, Me, My" effect: "Why is this happening to me?" "What have I done to deserve this?" "When will it be my turn to have a baby?"

All of these feelings are perfectly natural. God knows, these questions constantly revolved in my head the entire time my husband and I battled infertility. The problem was, I could only see my own pain. And it was truly the most frustrating and excruciating pain I had ever experience. Many of you know exactly what I mean. Though I often considered my husband's pain because he was in the same boat, I rarely ever considered the pain my family and close friends went through because of our infertility. Many of them were really hurting for us.

My sister (with whom I'm extremely close), for example. When she had her second child, she felt extremely guilty. She told me how as a teenager she’d prayed she'd never have children. She said she felt her punishment for saying that prayer was my infertility. Sometimes it's worse to see someone you love experience pain than to experience it yourself. For the record, Sis has two children whom she loves dearly. I told her I didn't look at her fertility that way at all. I think God blessed her with two beautiful children so I could experience motherhood through them while I was waiting to have my own.

Then, one day my dad and I were having lunch. He’s an ex-military guy; really macho. I was telling him about our baby struggles and he just looked down into his soup. It was really beating him down. Infertility can be particularly hard for men because they always want to fix things. And there was nothing my dad could do. He did listen and that helped.

So, I guess I'm saying, though the pain of infertility can be all-consuming. You are not the only one who's hurting. If you have chosen to share your infertility journey with friends and family, they’re usually hurting right along with you.

That’s why many of them offer to help with funding fertility treatments or to be a surrogate. That’s why they provide a shoulder to cry on and send many hopes and prayers our way.

For more information on LaShaundra Seale, please visit:

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