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Did Torry Hansen Fail Her Child?

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a blog by lashuandra, April 15, 2010

Torry Hansen, the nurse from Tennessee who decided to return her 7-year-old adopted son to Russia, is a hot topic right now. As an adoptive mom my heart goes out to her, but I’m baffled by her actions.

I cannot judge because I was blessed to have adopted a healthy, newborn son that my husband and I bonded with right away. But every situation is different.

There are some newborn biological children that it takes time to bond with. And there are people who adopt older children and immediately bond with them. For whatever reason Ms. Hansen did not bond with her child.

Which leads to the question, is it a good practice to return an adoptive child?

My immediate answer? No. Like I said, I have never parented a child with emotional or physical limitations but I do know whatever problem that arises in my child's life, I will be there to help him conquer those problems. If children act out or become violent or abusive, most parents take them to a psychiatrist to seek treatment. Whether the treatment is minor or intense, in- or out-patient, most parents want to do whatever they can to help their children. This is the case whether the child is your biological or adoptive child.

So why didn't Ms. Hansen go to the ends of the earth to help her son?

I have not walked in Ms. Hansen's shoes, but I do know how I deal with any conflict in life: I face it head on. We are talking about a child, a seven-year-old boy who was looking to Ms. Hansen for guidance, care, and love. Whether that love comes from a biological mother or an adoptive mother, the child doesn't care just as long as they have someone to love and protect them.

Most adoptive parents have waited so long and gone through so much to be parents that they could not fathom ever letting their child go once they have them. It appears Ms. Hansen failed this child.


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Comments (1)

I would have to agree. My philosophy is that an adoptive parent's commitment should be absolutely binding. Not necessarily legally, but morally. As the step-father of a severely handicapped child, I can relate to the challenges. But the child should be loved an cared for as your own flesh and blood, no matter what.

Dave DeYoung
"Internet Real Estate"

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