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November marked two years since the husband and I gleefully pinged (pung?) the last condom across the room and started to go at it bare-back. And as we hungrily ripped off each other’s clothes we had one thing on our minds: procreation.

For the past two years my womb has been officially open for business.

And I changed, although not how I’d hoped – the growing stomach, blooming complexion and, you know, generally being pregnant.

Instead these things started to happen:

1. Post-coital was no longer about wriggling away from the wet patch. Instead I was lifting my hips up to let gravity do its magic and give those swimmers a push in the right direction.

2. I became savant-like in my ability to tell you the date 40 weeks after any given day (Want a Christmas baby? Try to conceive in the first week of April. Midsummer baby? You’re looking at the end of September).

3. I gained a super-power! I could go into any party and, within three minutes, tell you which women of child-bearing age was not drinking booze or eating the brie/pate.

4. Suddenly every woman between the age of 16 and 50 was ‘the enemy’ with the ability to “beat” me in the quest for conception.

5. Rather than convincing myself I was going to lose weight, and buying clothes just a tad too small, I started buying roomier clothes with at least three months worth of baby growth in them.

6. And, for the first time in my life, I didn’t mind gaining a bit of weight because I’d rub my belly and imagine how it would feel to have a baby in there (also I’d already bought the bigger clothes so why not use ‘em?).

7. Every time I heard a pregnancy rumor connected to a celebrity I was online immediately trying to glean every available bit of information to find out if it is true – particularly if said celebrity was younger and appeared to have a flighty lifestyle that would surely prevent her getting pregnant (yes, Jamie Lynn Spears / Charlotte Church I’m talking about you).

8. Any time I fancied something to eat and had some specific in mind I became convinced it was a craving. This was it. The start of something.

9. When I walked along the street with the husband and saw a couple with a baby I’d squeeze his hand – that’ll be us soon. I don’t do that anymore.

But weeks then months passed. I began to think there might be a problem. I had two choices. Seek medical help/ intervention. Or start a blog cataloguing my trials and tribulations.

I chose both.

To date, the medical interventions haven’t helped. But blogging has given me advice to tap whenever my Doc has fudged and drifted with her explanations. It has given me a really supportive community of people who are going through the same thing when, in real life, everyone else seems to be brimming with fecundity. And, let’s face it, it’s a great place to vent my spleen.

So come on then, all you folk trying to get knocked up, what changes have you noticed?

Visit my blog: Womb for Improvement

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Comments (7)

I'm not trying to get knocked up anymore, but when I used to I did all of the aforementioned. Oh, the good ole days....


"Post-coital was no longer about wriggling away from the wet patch" it. So true, so true.

i miscarried in january this year (with my first pregnancy) and find myself doing some of the same things that you mentioned. now i notice every pregnant woman and/or woman with a tiny baby in my viewing area, i am always scanning the social hour for the woman who didn't drink (or asking my husband when he was out without me, "Did so and so have a beer with her dinner?"), I'm not so concerned with my running regimen and too am not so out of sorts if i put on a pound because i'll just have to take it off eventually, right?

we've officially gotten the go ahead to start trying again but the innocence is gone and i'm afraid if/when we get pregnant again i'll be a big worrying mess...

Hi Liz, the biggest change I have noticed is that I've turned bitter and obsessional. All great qualities of an infertile, wouldn't you agree??!!

Great post, as ever. Looking forward to reading more.

Secret Diary of an Infertile

I think the changes are too numerous to detail. But when I started having a hard time carrying on conversations without bringing up something about infertility, I knew things would never be the same again. I definitley know more than anyone else I know (blog friends excluded) about fertility, the reproductive system and ART.

Glad to see you on here! :)

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