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A Spring Break for Infertile People... Oh, If Only...

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a blog by Lori Shandle-Fox, Laughing IS Conceivable, April 1, 2011

As March winds up, I've been pondering all things spring. College Spring Break comes to mind. Which leads me to the image of us infertile women on the phone with the travel agent booking our Spring Break of sorts.

Warning: It ain't a pretty sight.  

"Hi I'd like to book Spring Break... I'll be traveling with my husband and thirty vials of liquid and a few dozen syringes. I always over-pack. Ask my husband. Anyway, do you think this will be okay on the plane?

Or should we maybe go by boat? Then again, I'm taking a fertility drug that makes me nauseous, so it probably wouldn't be wise to throw the high seas into the mix.

And definitely not by car. What do you mean, what do I mean? Have you seen the gas prices lately? I can't afford $3.60 a gallon! I have a fertility clinic to support!

I also can't drink. It's not good for fertility, you know. And anyway, did I mention I'm taking like a million different drugs? Some I swallow, some I inject, some I insert ... sorry ... anyhoo ... So I can't drink; however, I think it would be a good idea to be around heavy drinking. Occasionally, out of nowhere, I get really depressed or have these wicked mood swings, and it would be really nice if nobody noticed. 

I hear Daytona Beach is a hot spot. It's just that I'm on this one drug, and I'm not supposed to be out in the sun. Do you have some place that's not sunny?

You're right, England does sound nice. It doesn't sound very Spring Break-ish though and I'm afraid of the language barrier. I mean, duh, I know they speak English. That's like where it gets its name ... but I can't afford to have any communication gaps. Like what if I have to refill my prescription for Gonal-F, and Gonal-F in England is a laxative or something? I mean, this may sound a little paranoid, but what if 'Gonal-F' is one of those 'crisps-chips', 'boot-trunk', 'bonnet-hood' or even worse, 'fag-cigarette' things?"

And if you can, find some place near medical personnel. I really don't like needles, but I do better ... well I tend to faint less ... if a total stranger gives me my shots.  I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm too embarrassed to pass out in front of new people.  

Travel Agent: "Okay, so let me get this straight: You need some place where they speak English but not "English," that's not sunny, has a nurse on-call, and is within walking distance."

"You got it." 

Travel Agent: "There's a Senior Assisted Living Facility three blocks from your house."    
"My grandparents live there. And my grandfather drinks heavily! I could stay with them for a few days! That's a great idea! Just what I need: Wise older people for compassion and advice.  Although I'm not sure how much help my grandma could be with fertility info. She went through menopause in the '60s. Thank you so much for your help! I really appreciate it. You don't expect a commission do you?"

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