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"The Infertility Cyclone"

Infertility Cyclone.jpg

a blog by Lori Shandle-Fox, Laughing IS Conceivable, April 22, 2011

Okay, so call me oblivious. Saturday morning we went to an Easter egg hunt (okay, so call me childish too while you're at it), and in the afternoon we went to the mall so my husband could get the new phone he's been whining about for a month.

We had no idea that there were tornadoes on the way. There was no mention of it on the Eminem CD we were listening to on the drive. (He actually does mention "tornado" in one of his songs I think. I just never took it as a weather report.)

Then I noticed people acting strangely in the mall — well, stranger than usual. This time there was more to it than women wearing house slippers or teenagers fondling each other in the privacy of the glass elevator.

People were running in circles. Up to the doors, away from the doors. The panicking, the uncertainty, the looks of hopelessness and helplessness.

I still didn't get it. I said something to my husband as he tested out a phone's most important feature: How it felt in his hand: "Wow, look how everybody's freaking out. This feels so familiar. You don't think they're all going through infertility? I mean look at these crazy people. Is there like an IVF convention going on here today?"

Then our salesman, who was on his cell phone ... I wasn't sure whether he was being rude or this was a cheap sales ploy so my husband would say: "Hey, that's a great looking phone you've got there up against your ear. How much will that little gem set me back?"

Anyway, I guess he heard my comment to my husband, because ...

He said: "I'm on the phone with my mother. She's in the closet!"

I said: "Yeah, I know. When I was going through infertility, I didn't tell anybody either."

Sales Associate: "She has no power!"

Idiotic Me: "I know, that's how it feels. Has she tried meditation?"

SA: "You don't understand! She's all alone! She hasn't been able to communicate with any of her neighbors!"

IM: "Believe me, I do understand. People can be so insensitive. At least she has you to talk to."

SA: "What are you talking about?! Don't you know there's a tornado about to hit?!"

(He actually paused after "What are you talking about?!" I assume, to call me a "Dumbass!" in his head. Still a salesman and a southerner to boot, even in extreme panic, god bless him, he remembered to be a gentleman.)

Yeah, I missed the point entirely. Not only didn't I mentally process that he was talking about a storm a'brewin', I should have realized that he was about 50, so if his mother was going through infertility treatments, it would be as an outpatient from an insane asylum.

Luckily I had my husband there to back me up. He looked the salesman right in the eye and said:

"Hey, that's a great looking phone you've got there up against your ear. How much will that little gem set me back?"

During infertility treatments, I swear you lose a little bit of your mind. And with some of us: It never grows back.

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