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National Infertility Awareness Week Festivities Are Over
So as the days progress, National Infertility Awareness Week gets smaller and smaller in our rearview mirrors.
And like every other intimate gathering where you invite 7.3 million of your closest infertile friends: The clean-up is quite an undertaking...
Where are you going to find someone to pick-up all those syringes?
And to top it off: I think I'm allergic to Baby Dust. And I know that most of the women on infertility support sites who throw baby dust at other infertile people mean well, but some of them are fanatics.
They're like the perfume ladies at the mall. Although I don't think they're allowed to just spray you anymore without (here comes the worst pun of the day) your "conscent" (moving on).
So, after the big National Infertility Awareness Week bash last week, once we were all done skiing down the mountain of baby dust, I had a scientist friend of mine analyze it.
It turns out that baby dust is 50 percent confetti and 50 percent pollen. That explains why it's easy to throw and renders my left nostril useless.
Not to mention — take a good look at my picture at the top of this blog. How long do you suppose it will take me to get all of that baby dust out of that helmet of hair? I'd be better off shaving my entire head and starting anew.
The National Infertility Awareness Week barbecue was fun. A little hard to prepare though. 650,000 women were told not to eat red meat while trying to conceive, 80,000 were vegetarians, 46,000 were vegans, 38,000 didn't eat pork, 9,000 were on no-carb diets ... so there went the hot dog buns AND the potato salad.
The pool party was also nice. Most of the women went bottomless. It wasn't as much a statement of rebellion as a convenience. If several times during a week-long fiesta, you have to inject your frontal fat or your rear in the rear... it's just easier to do the deed and keep on swimming.("Marco! OW! Polo!)
I also think I inspired my fellow infertiles when I told the true story of a friend of mine who once was playing water volleyball in a crowded public pool in Queens. She went up for a shot and came down pregnant ... I don't know. It sounded more romantic at the time.
All in all, I think everyone had a good time at the festivities. But, I hate to admit it: Infertile people are not a tidy bunch.
I'm telling you right now. Next National Infertility Awareness Week, count me out. Let all 7.3 million infertile people party in somebody else's backyard.