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Don't Let Infertility Suck the Life Out of Your Life

infertility and the New Year

a blog by Lori Shandle-Fox, January 17, 2012

Did YOU survive the holidays?"

I truly believe everybody — especially infertile people —should all have the same New Year's Resolution: "Survive the Holidays."

So if you made it to January 2 without overdosing or being rushed to a hospital with alcohol poisoning, yippee! Let's all get out our pencils and cross that one off our lists. Look at us. We're only a few weeks into the year and have already triumphed at something.

The problem with us during the holidays is that you're born, you grow up, you're expected to reproduce. If you don't, society doesn't know what to do with you. Especially during the holidays.

Either there will be parties where people bring their kids or ones where people will talk about them all night. Your only hope is that they'll eventually be too drunk to remember they have any kids.

But if there's one theme I like to drive home each post-holiday season to my infertile brothers and sisters is that it's not just us: Many, many fertile people feel inadequate at holiday time. And that's because, at that time of year, I believe that everyone is brainwashed into thinking that suddenly the world is perfect … and they don't match up.

Every commercial, every ad in every magazine has a mom and a dad, and a brother and a sister, and everybody's smiling … and blond. Whether they're from India or the Sudan or Egypt, everybody looks like they're part of the Brady Bunch's extended family. (A new holiday special: "A Very Brady Ramadan.")

All of a sudden, the world has become perfect. Nobody litters or takes God's name in vain. Nobody has gastrointestinal issues at inopportune public moments, and mom never calls dad an asshole.

Nobody's short, nobody's fat, nobody's a liberal, nobody's sister's gay, nobody's brother's a junkie.

Everybody's married a winner, nobody's dating anyone they affectionately refer to as "a nice piece of ass,"nobody's three days from losing their house.

Then the holidays are over, and everybody reverts back to whomever they really are. That's why I think New Year's resolutions can be such a disappointment for people. That wave of holiday cheer is gone.

Hopefully if you have made resolutions for this year, they're ones that have that wonderful balance between "realistic goal" and "lofty dream." I always feel more comfortable with ones like: "I'll try that new procedure that I've been putting off" instead of "Get Pregnant!"

Let's face it. If you could snap your fingers and wish yourself pregnant, every infertile woman on the planet would have been working her digits like castanets, years ago. People wouldn't be doing yoga, they'd be doing flamenco.

And if you do have resolutions this year, you probably have tossed in a bunch of fertility-related ones. No. 1, in my humble opinion should be: "This year, I won't let infertility suck the life out of my life."

Comments (1)

This is outstanding advice. You have hit the nail on the head by pointing out how the holidays seem to magnify how you don't measure up to "the Brady Bunch" ideal no matter who you are. It reminds me a little bit of that old Steve Martin movie, The Lonely Guy, when he goes to dinner by himself and as soon as it's established he's alone the lights go dim and he is hit by a spotlight. The holidays can make you painfully aware of what you don't have.

A very insightful article. Your resolution is great also. Don't let infertility suck the life out of your life, or not letting your challenges drain you of joy. Of course, it's understood that this is easier said then done at times but it's wonderful that you have expressed the positive attitude. I'm certain it will help so many who face these same challenges and other issues that the holidays seem to bring to the forefront.

D Alishouse
This has been posted on behalf of the fertility clinic, American Health Network reproductive medicine, providing reproductive gynecology indianapolis and supporting Egg Donation in Indianapolis. The information is not medical advice, and should not be treated as such. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult his or her healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation or if they have any questions regarding a medical condition or treatment plan.

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