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Whatever You Do, Don't Mention S-E-X to Your Relatives

a blog by Lori Shandle-Fox, September 26, 2012

So what is all this shame we have about going through fertility treatments? What is THAT all about?

And sometimes, for no apparent reason, we're embarrassed by the whole thing... like, gee, the whole world has been having babies for centuries...big people, small people, dumb people..why am I the one person who can't?

I feel like most things we're ashamed about, at least here in the U.S., are somehow connected to sex. We may feel like infertility isn't at all connected to sex, but somebody around us does. Lots of people don't want to know anything about anything even remotely related to nakedness. Especially your relatives. The truth is, they don't ever want to know that you're ever naked.

If you've ever told them on the phone: "Listen, I'll call you back. I was just jumping into the shower", I guarantee they've pictured you in a business suit, a petticoat, a scarf and a turtleneck (unless it was your cousin Bo who's given you that creepy feeling every time he's looked at you since you were eleven...but why would you be talking to him anyway?)

Some people we know are against any kind of touching unless it's absolutely necessary (like riding on an NYC subway during rush hour).

So while they don't want you touching before you're married, once you're married it becomes essential. "I mean, you've been married 4 days already. We asked you at the wedding reception when you were going to start a family. That was last weekend. So, what's the hold-up?"

But they just want you to shut up and have a baby. They don't want details. They don't want to even THINK about how it happens. It's bad enough they know how their own children got here.

And then, there we go: Telling them how it happened...

"You see, my husband's sperm are too slow and he really doesn't have enough of them. And then I've had this blocked fallopian tube and I wasn't ovulating, so we went to a doctor where they checked my uterine lining..." At this point, they've drifted off into mental images of loading a gun and putting it in their mouths.

I mean, as a society, we don't like to acknowledge that people are having sex, (except celebrities...for some reason we really want to believe every celebrity is having sex with every other celebrity) but if you're married, they expect you to have a baby. So, how's that supposed to happen if we skip over that other part we're not supposed to acknowledge? Oh right, it's one of those things we all do behind closed doors and never bring into the light of day like wearing the same socks all week and sniffing paint.

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