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Tiptoeing Around the Infertile: Part 2
a blog by Lori Shandle-Fox, January 12, 2013
Sometimes we infertiles are unhappy with our fertile family and friends. A lot of our discontent is caused by the fact that we have sucky memories. We'll tell some of them some information about our fertility woes, but won't tell some people anything and don't tell too many people everything and then, we get all mixed up ourselves and forget exactly what and how much we told to whom.
So you were juggling these people and the various things you chose to tell or not tell them for an entire year...Then came the holidays. And there they all were... Together...In one living room. And suddenly the truth became painfully clear: ...You're screwed.
Because 2 months ago, you told Aunt Mary that you're trying to get pregnant but not that you're going through fertility treatments.
You told Aunt Linda that you started taking Clomid but when she comes to ask you at the holiday party how the medication is going and if you're ovulating, your mood starts swinging up and to the left and you huff away from her mumbling loudly:
"That is sooo personal! I can't believe she would ask that!" You then head over to Aunt Mary to complain about Linda asking you about your medication which is sooooo none of her business.
Of course, you never told Aunt Mary that you were taking medication at all so now she has no clue what you're talking about. And now you have to tell her or she's going to go over to Aunt Linda and ask her. Then you'll be po'd because....
"OMG! I can't believe you people. What kind of family is this? I told you something in confidence and now you're talking to each other behind my back?!"
Aunt Mary's not a bad woman. It's just that you've left the poor old broad in a haze. All you told her was that you guys have been really trying to have a baby. And that's what she told your cousin Stephanie...2 months ago. Stephanie goes to college and has a job and a boyfriend and just moved into her own apartment. Hard as it is to believe, her life doesn't revolve around your menstrual cycle like yours does. She has no idea who Aunt Flo is and, in fact, doesn't even remember what Aunt Mary told her 2 months ago. And here comes Stephanie now walking over to you and right into it:
"Hi. Long time no see. How've you been?"
Well that did it! Obviously someone in that very room, at some point, spilled all of your most intimate conception details to Stephanie! (Of course you don't remember telling anyone in that room all the details but how else would she know?)
So now, as your ranting turns into raving and you get louder and louder, the entire family gathers in a circle around you not knowing what to expect but pretty sure you ain't leading no group prayer.
And there you are in the middle of it all, well within spitting-while-yelling distance to poor Stephanie's frozen-with-fear face.
"Okay! Fine! So everybody knows that I've been trying to get pregnant for two years. You may as well all know everything! I've been to my OB/GYN and now I'm going to a fertility doctor. His name is Dr. Michaels if anyone would like to confirm what I'm telling you! I've been taking a medication called Clomid. I'm ovulating quite nicely now thank you for asking! Is that what you heard Stephanie?! Is that what all of these big mouths told you?! Huh? Is it? Is it? Insensitive Bastards!"
And there stands poor Stephanie the co-ed, face still not thawed, while other, faster-thinking relatives reach for their phones and call 911.
And, as a Plan B, your second Cousin Eddie the ne'er-do-well who, for the first time in his life everyone is happy to see, mercifully reaches for his concealed weapon.
(Part 1 of this saga: "Tiptoeing Around the Infertile" can be found at my Laughing IS Conceivable blog.