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Daydream Believer


a blog by Pamela Tsigdinos

We all have pipe dreams, right? Mine used to be that one day I’d get pregnant – without a team of reproductive experts.

That’s right, after the requisite nine months I’d leave the hospital with a bundle of joy combining the curious mix of Greek, Irish, Polish, Scottish descent – and as my husband once joked, “whatever else is in the woodpile.” Not surprisingly, I also hoped that our child would have my husband’s delightful, easy-going personality.

Yet, as anyone who has read my blog knows, that dream didn’t come true.

I have a different kind of fantasy now. It involves lights, cameras and action.

Now I’m no experienced casting director, but I know the perfect lead actors for an indie film I have in mind. (Humor me, there’s no harm in daydreaming, right?).

So Drew Barrymore has always impressed me with her performance range. She has the unique ability to portray complex, quirky characters -- strong but vulnerable, passionate women – with endearing, exceptional depth: think Little Edie in Grey Gardens, Lindsey in Fever Pitch and Beverly in the lesser-known Riding in Cars with Boys. And now she’s producing and directing, too. Perfect. She’s a natural for my little scheme.

That’s right, congratulations, Drew (I think she’d be fine with my informality though we’ve never formally met) — you are my first choice. Sorry Reese and Nicole – just know you were both on the short list for the film version of Silent Sorority. (For my better half I’d choose the actor, David Duchovny. If you’ve seen his recent work in the TV show Californication, you’d know he has the right mix of bravado, tenderness and steadiness.)

To be successful, Drew and I will need to capture the awkward, maddening essence of the infertility experience in an era of helicopter parents. This film project will require just the right blend of the absurd, the ordinary and the unexpected.

That’s because infertility doesn’t have a neat beginning, middle and end. It’s unpredictable and the implications bleed into all aspects of life, relationships and plans for the future. The screen play will need to channel the quiet, poignant, searching aspects of the experience, which just hasn’t gotten its due, on the big or little screen.

My new head-in-the-clouds desire is to capture once and for all what no one in the “fertile” world seems to fully appreciate about this silent disease. What it means to find out your body has failed you, to reconcile complicated identity issues, to negotiate the day-to-day bombardment of pregnancy announcements and to ponder abstract ideas like never becoming a grandparent surrounded by a new generation.

It’s a lot to cover in one film, but I think it’s do-able.

It’s time to focus attention on the real reality of infertility – not that portrayed by Kate Gosselin or Octomom.

Comments (2)

I have been in a movie-watching mood lately and, as a woman recently diagnosed with POF, this would be my movie of choice. If I could only put grad school on hold for a bit...

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