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A Story of Friendship

a blog by Shana Kurz, June 30, 2012

I believe as you move into adulthood, each of your friends serve a purpose. Some are there to make you laugh, others for support, some you share common interests with and then there are one or two that are the complete package. I also believe there are cycles that friendships move through, the ups and downs similar to all relationships, but compared to the crazy boyfriend from college, the curve on a graph would be smooth with gentle slopes.

When I started trying to have a baby, my husband and I moved to the perfect suburban town. This town had a beautiful downtown area with a coffee shop, bakery, restaurants and two Ralph Lauren stores. The train took half of the town into New York City each morning while the other half took care of their children. It was an amazing place to live, with amazing people, places to go and activities for involvement. But only if you had children.

It was a strange place to be when you didn’t have a child. I didn’t have any use for the playgrounds, the parades and the top public schools. But I joined the Young Women’s League anyway. I was so excited about the town in general that I wanted to be as involved as possible with or without children. During my first meeting for new members, I spoke with a women who didn’t have any children either. We moved quickly from pleasantries to the down and dirty of infertility. She was a friend in an instant.

We spent all of our free time together. Lunches, dinners with our spouses, phone calls after each doctor’s appointment, car-pooling to events and Pilates classes. We even shared the same reproductive endocrinologist. And as we progressed through our individual fertility treatments, we had to face the probability that one of us was going to get pregnant first. It was easy to say I’d be excited for her, but in actuality I knew it was going to be devastating. Not only would I lose my support, I’d have to watch her move to the inside of all that our town had to offer.

I had my second round of in vitro fertilization (IVF) scheduled the same month as her fifth round of IVF, same office and with the same doctor. And our cycles synced up, so our embryo transfers were a day apart. I was full of mixed feelings. What if this doesn’t work again, but what if it does? And what if it doesn’t work and hers does?

We each had a positive blood test and spent a nail biting couple of weeks as our blood levels doubled every 48 hours. Her blood levels were so sky high, we had a suspicion she was carrying twins. We had our ultrasounds scheduled back to back, and hers was first. But the night before my appointment I started bleeding, a lot. And I had been through this before. My husband and I curled up on the couch as I sobbed.

The next morning I went to the fertility doctor's office so he could confirm what I already knew. As my husband and I walked in, I saw my friend at the desk making her next appointment. She smiled and held up two fingers — she was having twins. We didn’t even speak, knowing the delicacy of what lied between us. I entered my appointment braced for the worst news.

What I believe about friends is they are in your life for a reason, and it takes the full cycle to find out why. Stick with them through the ups and downs.

I was having twins also.

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