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How James Taylor Put My Infertility into Perspective

a blog by Shana Kurz, July 24, 2012

“There is a feeling like the clenching of the fist
There is a hunger in the center of the chest
There is a passage through the darkness and the mist
Though the body sleeps the heart will never rest”

(Shed A Little Light, James Taylor)

Last night I watched James Taylor perform at Red Rocks in Colorado. A beautiful amphitheater that was originally used by the Native Americans for religious ceremonies and a place that James Taylor said is “unlike any other.” The night was windy and warm, and I sat tight against my husband as we sang along and swayed or held hands lost in thought.

It ended up being an unexpectedly emotional night but started off as usual. I was in a rush to get out of the house, and my husband was pulling together a picnic, and when we got to Red Rocks, we relaxed and enjoyed the view from the trunk of our car and caught up after week of house guests and a sick baby.

Once inside, the beauty of my surroundings and the familiar songs pulled the last seven years into focus. Seven years ago, my husband and I went to see James Taylor at Tanglewood in Massachusetts; we had been married for three months. We spent that Fourth of July weekend and the concert with friends, and had a blissful freedom that most newlyweds do. While I was at the concert, I bought a poster that James Taylor drew himself, a picture of a bus with animals riding inside, all done in pastel colors. I rolled it up and saved it for my baby’s room, thinking someday it will have a place. Little did I know the reminder it would be for the next two years. Had I jinxed myself into thinking I could have a plan around getting pregnant and having children?

Today that poster is hanging in my youngest baby’s room, which he shares with one of his big brothers. It’s hung in three different houses, but it always finds its way onto a wall in my child’s room.

Last night, I was able to enjoy the concert fully and still with some bliss. Just my husband and I again, but this time with our babies sleeping soundly in their beds.

“No one can tell me that I'm doing wrong today, whenever I see you smile at me”
(Your Smiling Face, James Taylor)

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