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With Infertility, There Is Hope Amidst the Sadness

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a blog by S.I.F., January 18, 2011

I have come across a lot of sadness in the infertility community.

Stories that are difficult to hear. Journeys that seem long and unending. And losses that in reality, no one should ever have to endure.

I’ve often caught myself wondering how any of this is fair. Why the quest to motherhood should have to be so difficult for so many, when in the meantime there are those who don’t seem to care about their responsibilities as parents at all. Those who don’t seem to want it. Who can’t be bothered to make their children a priority.

Why are they the ones blessed with children, while there are those of us who would do anything for that same blessing?

Those who endure failed IVF cycle after failed IVF cycle. Those who bring a baby home through adoption, only to have the birth mother change her mind. And those who succeed in getting themselves pregnant, only to lose that baby in the end.

There have been so many stories I’ve heard (while trying to wrap my head around my own journey) that have left me thinking “I could never do that. I could never survive that. It’s more than anyone could bear.”

That thought has remained with me as I have hurdled myself even deeper into the world of infertility and have come across stories that leave my heart aching. None of this is easy, but for some; it seems to be more than anyone should ever have to take on. Why must there be so much loss and sadness on the road to parenthood? Why must it seem so impossible at times?

Yet, through the heartache, people seem to pick themselves up. To dust off their backsides and continue moving forward. Continue trying. After experiencing roadblocks that no one should ever have to face, people somehow continue along this path. Doing whatever it takes to find their way to the life and family they desire.

And in that, there is hope. Hope that if we all keep on moving, eventually we will find what we are looking for. Hope in the knowledge that we are not traveling these roads alone. That there are others out there fighting to move forward alongside us. Others who have also found themselves facing more than anyone could bear.

Except ... they are bearing it. Surviving. Thriving. Making it through the darkness into the light. Finding ways to support each other, even amidst all their own heartbreak and despair.

So often the brick walls we find ourselves up against on this journey feel like more than anyone could bear. But just remember that there are others making it through to the other side.

And that eventually, you will too.

Comments (1)


Thank you for sharing these thoughts. For the last two years, I've attended an infertility support group, filled with women facing varied obstacles on all different paths to motherhood. I can't count the number of times that someone in the group shares their story, leaving the whole group crying for that person. Without fail, in each of those situations, someone says "You are so strong. I couldn't hold up under the weight you are bearing." Sometimes it is really helpful to hear about others overcoming their own obstacles, in order to gain perspective on where you are at in your own journey. We all have the right to grieve how unfair it is that we are dealing with infertility. But I believe that sharing in other women's journeys keeps us from falling into a place beyond grief...a place of self-pity.

I want to thank you for writing such a great blog. I just started to share my story with others, on my blog - - and am finding that the act of sharing my journey in this medium is as theraputic as speaking to women directly during support group. I only hope that others find as much comfort in my words as I do in theirs.

Thanks again,
Princess Wahna Bea Mama

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