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Donor Egg Love

by Dena Fischer

When my husband and I were contemplating using an egg donor, one of the heart-wrenching fears that kept me up at night was that no one would ever say, “He looks just like you.” And if they did offer something like “She has your eyes,” I’d know it couldn’t be true and that innocent comment would rip off the scab that covers the wounds of infertility.

This, and many other questions such as, “Will my husband feel more connected to our baby than I will?; Will I bond with her?; Will my son one day shout, as an angry teen, ‘You’re not my real mother’?” kept me tossing and turning for months. But I swallowed my fears and together we forged ahead to build a family. Now, thanks to the miracles of science and the profound generosity of a gestational carrier and an egg donor, we have vibrant, eternally energetic twin boys.

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Midnight Uncertainties

Learning to Live with Infertility

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Learning to Live with Infertility

I seem to be at a loss for words these days. My head is such a confused, jumbled mess that, were I earning frequent flyer miles on my emotions, I'd likely have two roundtrip tickets to Fiji by now.

I guess somewhere deep in the crevices of my delusional mind there still exists a happy place where Santa Claus is real, wishes made on stars really do come true, and sex (or even a magical fertility clinic’s lab) actually equals babies. It is in this place where I also harbored the unrealistic idea that by simply going to my magical clinic of choice for our final IVF I would find that ever elusive step to “closure” an easy one.

Surprise!! Foiled again by the folds of infertility.

The Sweet Smell of Success?

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The Sweet Smell of Success?

a blog by Liz

Back in the day, the cliché was that our men folk were ready for sex morning, night and frequently noon.

There is no doubt, however, that their ardour becomes somewhat diminished when sex becomes less about ripping one’s clothes off and more about body temperature, time of the month and cervical mucus. Let’s face it, the phrase, “Hurry up, I’m ovulating” has less of an arousing effect than, “Oh honey, we can’t, not here.

NIAW: Infertility isn't a Lifestyle Choice.

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NIAW: Infertility's Not a Choice

It’s National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW) — a movement to raise awareness about infertility, a disease that impacts more than 7 million Americans. RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association has been hosting NIAW for 20 years. And yet, awareness is still lacking. And stigma still exists. And women still feel depressed and alone. And men still aren't talking about it. And friends and family still don’t get it.

Meet the Meyers: Moolah

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Meet the Meyers: Moolah

JIM:

Good. Something I’ve wanted to gripe about for a while: Money. The whole cost of this fertility fiasco is astronomical. I can’t believe what a blood test costs these days, not to mention some of the drugs involved. We are talking numbers that a single income family just can’t cover.

I’m the guy who has a high deductible health insurance plan because I never use it. I keep it around for catastrophes only. Oh yeah, I need it right now. I’d say this is a catastrophe.

The IVF Period

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The IVF Period

a blog by Murgdan

My IVF cycle officially started with the arrival of my period. I must say, I haven’t been this excited to menstruate since my early twenties! I almost chuckle imagining the days when I actually feared pregnancy.

The Fertility Top Ten

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The Fertility Top Ten

ONE (1). It only takes one. Sperm, that is. Well, yes, technically you just need one, but if your hubby had a sperm test that resulted in just one viable sperm that wouldn’t sound so reassuring. In fact, that would be considered totally and utterly infertile. The fact is, anything under 20 million sperm per millilitre is considered ‘abnormal.’

TWO (2). For most, that’s how many folk it takes to have a baby. But for the infertiles, it usually takes a few more. So far I’ve had nine different doctors (five of which have had a good poke about in my lady bits), and still no child to show for it.

Off the Junk

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Off the Junk

a blog by Murgdan

When initially trying to conceive, it’s easy to fall into the belief that pregnancy will soon follow. After all, for 80% of couples, this is how things work. Given the usual relationship between trying to get pregnant and actually getting pregnant, many women begin their attempts at pregnancy while simultaneously living as if they are already impregnated. They avoid sushi and soft cheese like the plague. Deli meats and tuna receive no more attention than a finger wag. Ice water quickly replaces the Cosmopolitan. And coffee? Decaf only, please.

I was not one of these ladies. Despite my overwhelming belief that I too would get pregnant in the first year of trying, I did not succumb to pre-conception food fears that afflict much of humanity. I began each morning with a café latte and ended each evening with a glass of red wine. When I got pregnant I would promptly set my vices aside and laugh a little at my compadres in conception who gave things up earlier than was necessary. Heroin addicts, alcoholics, smokers, and anorexics still manage to get pregnant — so why should coffee and the occasional glass of wine have any effect on me?

Give Us the Bad News Nicely, Please

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Give Us Bad News Nicely

Unlike the mostly happy baby updates coming out of ob-gyn offices, the news from reproductive endocrinology offices is usually a little tougher to deliver and to receive.

Since most fertility procedures are out-of-pocket expenses, we are within our rights to expect to be cared for by a kindly team with an outstanding bedside manner. Fortunately for me, my RE and his team were all-stars at delivering information and care (whether in person or by phone), answering my questions thoroughly and clearly. My doctor was genuine in his desire to achieve success and seemed, almost, to take any setbacks personally. I sometimes felt like I was letting him down when my beta tests came back negative! That's why when I hear about less-than-compassionate encounters with those providing fertility services I'm more than shocked, I'm outraged.

Hidden Fees?

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Does Your Clinic Charge These Fees?

Given the state of the economy, there’s been a lot of cost-saving infertility treatment news lately. In fact, we’ve blogged about it. So it came as a surprise to learn that some clinics are charging for a service you don’t use, or charging for what should be a free service.

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