There are so many expectations and anxieties in any delivery room, but the anticipation of a surrogacy delivery can be especially anxious. Because so much is emotionally invested in a surrogacy journey, the desire for everything to go perfectly can be a bit overwhelming. And then, of course, is the tiny awkward detail of juggling two couples in the delivery room, in addition to the doctors and nurses that are there (four in our case).
When someone mutters the phrase “a month of Sundays,” they just have no idea. When it comes to waiting to get pregnant, we women know the process is a grueling waiting game. But what happens when you’re waiting for someone else to get pregnant for you?
I thought last September, when I found out that I was pregnant, that nine months was forever to wait. Wow, I had no clue! After we lost our pregnancy four months later, I promised myself I would dedicate the following five months to healing and grieving rather than jumping right back on the baby bandwagon. I am somewhat of an impatient person when it comes to this baby game, so of course that didn’t quite work out. Here we are, nine months after my first pregnancy, but another 11 months from having a baby. So in mother-to-be time, that’s forever. This feels like the never ending gestation.
Since I can remember I have loved dogs — all shapes, sizes, genders — any canine with a cold wet nose, warm heart and pleading eyes speaks to my spirit in a way that few humans can. In my childhood home we always had a dog or two lying about, usually on my bed at night, tucked into my belly, my arms looped around its neck. Despite my face being bitten by a Husky that took umbrage at my 3-year-old self poking my finger into its ear canal, I have been smitten with all things dog-esque. As soon as I could afford a dog after college, I got a Samoyed who loved to run away, then watch me race after her. She, smiling, always loping ahead a few hundred feet; me, panting and swearing my way toward her. And so it has continued the last 23 years. A bone-shaped sign hangs in my office that reads, “The dog hair is free,” as most days I wander around with a patina of dog hair stuck on my clothes.
The night before my second son was born, I drank two glasses of red wine and ate half a pizza. I woke from a lovely nap when labor started about 4 a.m., and then welcomed my baby into the world two hours later, tears sprinkling his soft, warm head. And when I finally stopped crying, I walked to the hospital bed where my surrogate was recovering, kissed her forehead, and whispered the most heartfelt “thank you” of my life.
Elizabeth Banks, the 37-year-old star of "The Hunger Games" and "What to Expect when You're Expecting" has been talking to the media recently about her infertility and having her son via gestational carrier. The actress, who also has a recurring role in 30 Rock, has a son, Felix, who was born in March 2011.
In recounting friends' advice while she was battling infertility, Banks said something very profound:
This past week was the first week I have felt normal in about a month. I have so much to look forward to in the coming months, and it just occurred to me this week that I don’t always have to have my guard up in fear of being let down again.
If you’ve decided on surrogacy, your first steps are to coordinate your plans with your fertility clinic and recruit a surrogate. Your fertility clinic may have its own surrogacy program, or you may want to locate your own surrogate.
A blog by Emily Field, June 22, 2016
Surrogacy is an intense, expensive, emotional journey and we want all Intended Parents to feel as informed as possible about the process. We put together a questionnaire that we hope will be helpful to you.