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I Drank the Water

Hello, I am Maddie and I was born and raised in the lovely state of Virginia and I married myself a Boston bred boy, together we now make our home in the Wake Forest area of North Carolina.
We have struggled on and off for the past 8 and a half years with infertility. The word that, until you are faced with it personally, seems innocuous enough. And then you learn the hurt and disappointment that goes along with it. The raw pain that often comes in waves.

I had a miscarriage in 2008 after being told for years that I would never conceive on my own without help, the doctors were wrong and I did, but because of other medical issues, I was unable to carry to term. I have undergone three surgeries for endometriosis and fibroids. I have one last one on the horizon and hopefully the end (beginning) is near.

I am also in the process of learning to manage living with a mental illness and my goal, to be a mother. For that has been the desire of my heart for longer than I can even remember. I was diagnosed with bipolar and PTSD and my hope is to prove that my illness cannot define me and motherhood is in the cards.

I write a food and travel blog, but this past year I decided to delve more into our struggle with conceiving and I started the Infertility Prayer Project, it is a place where women can share their struggles or success in their journey to motherhood. Feel free to email me at or pop over and pay me a visit to my blog,


a blog by Madison Rae, April 24, 2014

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. After 10 years of struggling, there is still so much that I wish I had known going into this battle. I had no idea the sheer number of women (and couples) that have dealt with this burden. It was never really talked about when we started. I knew of a few couples that had suffered from miscarriages and such, but I was unaware just how many go through the infertility journey before becoming parents.


February is home to National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. This is something that is close to my heart as I struggled many years with my weight and unhealthy eating habits.

endo surgery

a blog by Madison Rae, February 13, 2013

I am back to the place I thought or maybe more so hoped, I wouldn’t have to visit again.

Last year began 12 months of trying to wean off of a medicine and preparing for fully trying again. I had worked out a plan with my team of doctors that would hopefully allow us to try without undergoing another surgery, if at all possible. These last few weeks have unfortunately unfolded into a mess that will take that option off the table.

a blog by Madison Rae, December 19, 2013

If I am honest, the holidays are one of the most difficult times to manage when it comes to infertility. This past weekend I was out shopping for a baby shower that I am attending next month and as I was in Baby Gap, the adorable outfits got to me. As I saw one mother strolling her baby around and stop to admire this little polka dotted sweater and red pants with ruffles on the bum….the familiar ache and long crept back in. As I watched her coo with her sweet infant and have a conversation with her (apparent) spouse about their upcoming traditions, tears welled up. And then, I furiously blinked them away. I loathe being “that woman”.

a blog by Madison Rae, November 11, 2013

I think one of the things you quickly learn with infertility is that you cannot always control your emotions as you counter certain scenarios. You often times think you are completely in control and then hearing about friends or even a stranger being pregnant can reduce you to a hot mess. The tears falling no matter how hard you fight to hold them back.

It can be really easy to fall into the trap of bitterness, especially in the beginning stages. I remember the first time that I got upset over a friend's pregnancy. My thought process at the time was that it wasn't fair and that she never even wanted kids. I wasn't prepared for feeling and thinking those thoughts, and I wasn't overly happy with myself.


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