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Things It's NOT OK to Think While Trying to Conceive

So you've been trying to get pregnant for a little while now. Maybe it's been more than a "little" while. It's natural to have some doom and gloom thoughts occasionally. Just remember: That's all they are: Thoughts. Don't take them too seriously. Heck, most of them aren't even true. For example:

  • "Everyone but me can have a baby." Right. You're the only one who can't get pregnant. You're all alone. Just you and 7.3 million others. It certainly does feel like you're the only one when you're trying and trying to conceive and it ain't happenin', but remember: Just because it doesn't make the headline news every night, doesn't mean literally millions of others who share the dream of having a baby aren't also having difficulty making it come true. Numbers don't lie — except in some political races — and occasionally on your evaluations at work.
  • "I've never had a friend or anyone in my family who has had trouble getting pregnant." This is just the latest version of: "I don't know any gay people." People often don't come out of the infertility closet and talk about their fertility struggles openly — even (and sometimes especially) with people close to them. The chances are quite high that you know someone besides you who is now having fertility issues or has had them in the past. (In a few years the two adages will merge and the new one will be: "I don't know any gay people who have had trouble getting pregnant.")
  • "I guess I just wasn't meant to be a mother." If you are terrible at math, you weren't meant to be an accountant. Your goal of becoming a mother isn't nearly as cut and dry. With all of the wonderful doctors and medical advances out there: Fertility treatments, sperm/egg donors, surrogates, adoption, foster care and on and on and on, the jury is probably still out on whether or not you were meant to be a mother. It's a nice thought to have in the depths of a good old-fashioned self-pity wallow, though.

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