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Dear Aunt Flow ...

Dear Aunt Flow,

I have to tell you that I am angry at you. Every month, I hope and pray that I will not see you, but you always seem to show up at the worst times.

Last month, I was at cousin Elsa’s wedding, and do you know why I was sobbing while she walked down the aisle? It wasn’t because she looked beautiful, but because you showed up right before the ceremony to tell me that my artificial insemination (IUI) had failed. You also made me very upset when you arrived during the Christmas Holidays and then again on my birthday, no less! You might be bright red, but don’t you have a heart?

It’s almost as bad when you decide to play tricks on me and arrive to the party late. I await your arrival, and when you don’t show up, I get excited and spend money on yet another pregnancy stick. Then, like the jokester you are, you show up right after I take the pregnancy test. Couldn’t you have at least come earlier, so I wouldn’t have to spend money on countless pregnancy tests?

Listen, I know that having a menstrual cycle is a good thing and means that my body is working properly. I am very aware that many women do not have this luxury, but all I’m asking is that if you do plan to arrive, show up on time and do not bring any house gifts like cramping, moodiness or acne.

Thanks in advance.


The Female Population.