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Dear Daily Shot

What if there was a fertility advice column in the style of “Dear Abby”? What would you ask? We’ll be spending a few of our Daily Shots exploring this idea.

Dear Daily Shot,

My sister is pregnant. We are very close and she knows everything about my trouble conceiving. Up until now she’s been very sensitive to my situation. But the other day she started talking about having a baby shower. I always pictured us throwing each other baby showers when the time came. Well her time has come, and mine has not. It might never. I want to celebrate with her, but I’m also really sad. Am I being selfish?

Always an Aunt, Never a Mom

Dear AAA,
You have every right to feel conflicted. Intellectually, we know that no two people get pregnant the same time (or in the same way). Emotionally, however, we can’t help but feel jealousy when someone has something we want. This is especially true of sisters.

Did your sister ask you to throw her a shower? Or are you feeling obligated? If she asked, you might want to have a discussion about how that makes you feel. You can tell her that you are so excited for her AND sad about your own challenges. Because of that, you’re undecided about planning a celebration right now. If she didn’t ask and your dilemma is based on a perceived obligation, then we have to talk.

Take a minute to decide what you want to do. Do you want to throw her a shower? Will you regret it if you don’t? Then do it. But if you’re doing it because you think you should, then you’re torturing yourself. You do not deserve to feel worse right now. Do what you need to feel calm. You’ll be a better sister if you are honest and happy with yourself.