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Dear Patient Care Advocates: What If My Friend is Willing to Donate Sperm?

Dear Patient Care Advocates:

My girlfriend and I (same-sex couple) want to do IUI with donor sperm. We worked out an agreement with a heterosexual couple we are friends with where the husband would donate his sperm to us. We have known them for 15 years and trust them completely. How can we ask him for a donor agreement without hurting his feelings or making him think we don't trust him?

Two Chicks in Michigan

Dear Two Chicks,

You're a smart cookie! You are definitely thinking about the potential legal repercussions and protecting your rights as a parent! The truth is, even if your brother offered to donate his sperm (just hear me out, I know you probably wouldn't ask your brother!) you should protect yourselves. Start off by thanking him for his generous offer and let him know that as long as he passes all of the medical tests for sperm donors, you are thrilled that he would offer to be your donor! You can place the blame on yourself and say something along the lines of: "Given that we are a lesbian couple, not legally married, we have a couple of concerns about custody and parenting. We would feel so much more relieved for us- and you too!- if we could protect everyone's rights with this legal agreement."

Don't forget, your Family and Reproductive Law Attorney will help you draft the contract to fully detail any compensation (I'm assuming he is donating his sperm for free), and will outline any parenting or visitation your friend's husband will be allowed to do, or custody in the event you and your partner pass away. Your lawyer will also see that your donor completes all required medical and background testing. If all else fails, remind your friend's husband that this agreement will also protect him against any child support claims.

Best of luck!
Submit your question to the Patient Care Advocates by emailing

Watch as Dr. Brad Miller explains the process of donor sperm insemination:

Click image to play.

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