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Considering Using Donor Sperm

Deciding whether to use donor sperm can usher in emotional, practical and legal concerns. But it also opens the door to parenthood for thousands of people each year.

If you’re considering donor sperm, either:

  • You’ve learned that you or your partner’s sperm is the cause of your infertility, or
  • You’re a single woman or in a lesbian partnership and want to become a mom.

If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, you’ll first have to openly address your feelings regarding his infertility. This is hard for many men because in our culture, as in most, manhood is ‘measured’ by one’s virility. Most of us know this isn’t true — that, in fact, a sense of manhood is a mixture of feelings and thoughts set in motion by our culture. It’s what’s inside our heads that counts. Nonetheless, turning to a sperm bank requires couples to address this prickly issue.

When considering donor sperm, couples also must confront the fact that their child will be biologically linked to just one of them. This can arouse feelings of anger and loss. Take time to experience this loss. Grieving takes time.

Questions that couples and singles can explore are:

  • Does this feel OK to me? Might adopting be a better alternative?
  • How might I/we feel when people say, “S/he doesn’t look at all like you!”
  • How will I feel being Mom/Dad to a child who does not have a genetic tie to me?
  • What will I/we tell our child? Family and friends? Do we need to tell them?

Those considering the donor route get valuable insights from attending a support group. Talking to an experienced counselor can also help.


Comments (29)

Puneeth - In order to participate in a donor program in America you must be an American citizen unless you plan on traveling to the United States to donate. There are donor program options in India.

Great new site that helps match recipients to sperm (or egg donors) based on facial characteristics. I thought about how many people with blue eyes, blond hair, college educated look completely different. This site it is They have numerous banks listed with them ensuring a closer match.

Hello my name is Alexandria and I am looking to go to the sperm bank within the next couple of months, my girlfriends has 3 kids already and her youngest is almost 17 months old. But we would really like to add a baby of our own one we would have together. Is it a right choice.

Hi me and my wife we are a lesbian couple we av 5 kids frm previous relationships I have 2 an she has 3 an we are now wantin a 6 baby of our own from the start how do I go about this an what will the cost be we have had so many people say they wud help over the 3 years we have been 2gether but not takein it seriously :( we are lookin for a black carribean man as I'm black carribean an she's white if there any way you can help can you ring me on. 07783016239 thank you katrina xx

Hi Katrina, You can work with a fertility clinic to pursue donor sperm IUI or IVF. There will be a database (especially if you work with a clinic that partners with a large sperm bank) of donors so you can select the ethnicity. If you are interested in travelling to the US for treatment, please give us a call at 1-855-955-BABY(2229). Best, Kim

my girlfriend and i are talking about having a child we are trying to find a sperm donor in brazil, that is where she is from and want our child to be born there, its a tradition, but anyways i want to know what is the precedure, what kinda of shots will they give me and what are the concerns?

Hi My lesbian partner have been together awhile and want to start a family if u could please send us some info about what we need to do to have our owe baby. I want to finally say i have a little bundle of joy on the way. I have asked lots of friends to do it they say yes at first then they tell me no so please help us out.

Give us a call at 1-855-955-BABY (2229) and we will connect you with a fertility doctor who can perform an intrauterine insemination using donor sperm. Best of luck!

I am a 29 year old female from new jersey who already has one child. I am thinking about going to a sperm bank for my next child when i am around the age 34 .i would like to around how much would everything cost.

Hi Lisa, please give us a call at 1-855-955-BABY (2229) and we will gladly connect you with a fertility doctor. The fertility doctor will work with a sperm bank and will perform the intrauterine insemination (IUI). The costs of IUI will probably run around $2,000 including medication, but that does not include the donor sperm fee. Best of luck!


I am a single mom considering sperm donation. After seeing reports of sperm donors having 150 kids, I worry about my child bumping into a sibling in college and having a Greek tragedy on my hands. Is there any way to avoid this? Thanks for the advice!

Thank you for writing. If you are looking for a sperm donor, we really advise that you go through a reputable sperm bank that carefully screens and keeps track of donor sperm. Talk to a fertility doctor in your area — you can find one through the Find a Doctor search on each page of FertilityAuthority. These specialists work with reputable sperm banks and can advise you in how to proceed. Good luck!

My lesbian fiancee and I are looking for a sperm donor that is located of will send to Dallas, Tx. We have been searching for someone to help us for 3 years now and whenever we ask someone to do it for us, they say yes then change their ming at the last minute. We have had our hopes up 5 times now so please only if you are really serious about this. We prefer to have someone who does not want to be involved and wont need anything except your donation please and thank you all very much.


ME and my lesbian partner trying to start a family, and we are looking for a sperm donor who can help us to fullfill our dreams.... feel free to respond.........

I'm a single mother of a 6 year old boy and I want to have another baby before I turn 30. I would like to know how much does it cost to get articial insemination.

Using someone you know as a sperm donor is called a "directed donor". It's important that you use a sperm bank to help coordinate the sperm donation. The male's sperm should undergo testing, he should have a physical and a blood exam, and a legal contract should be written to outline the terms of the sperm donation. Not all agencies work with directed donors, so you'll have to do a little bit of homework to find one to work with. Fairfax Cryobank and California Cryobank both work with Directed Donors.

i am a 27 year old single female and i would like to have a baby..i have some one in mind that would like to donate his sperm..What do i need to do.

If you are considering donating sperm, or if you are looking for a sperm donor, it is recommended that you work with a licensed agency that does sperm donation. It is important that the sperm donor's medical history is known, that his sperm samples are screened, and that contracts are in place to outline the terms of the sperm donation. Even if you want to use a known sperm donor - someone you know - it may be recommended that you work together through a reputable organization that facilitates sperm donation. There are a couple of bloggers on FertilityAuthority, who provide good information on all aspects of sperm donation: Michelle Ottey, Director of Operations at Fairfax Cryobank and Cryogenic Laboratories; and Cappy Rothman, Medical Director of California Cryobank.

Hi me and my lesbian partner would love to have a baby can you send us some more information on how we can achieve this please

Thank You

im 43 and my partner is 31 i have 2 children and my partner is desperate to have a child, ive had a vasectomy 16 yrs ago so that route is a dead end, im happy for her to be fertalized through a sperm bank, im in love with her, and she deserves the chance of being a mum, im just writing to find out the chances and the costs involved, kind regards, geoff

Hello I am looking for a sperm donor in Colorado for my wife and I we are a lesbian couple and we have a 7 year old and are ready for another!! Thanks for all and any help!

i want to know the cost to use a sperm dona ot the best site to look for one in the uk me and my hubby have been trying 3 years to have a baby and not had much luck so i would love some help as soon a poss to find a good site to look on to help us have a baby thank you x

My partner and I are looking to see how much it cost for artificail insemination. We have been trying at home but its hard to keep a donor. Most guys are uncomfortable with just helping and not getting to act on it. We are getting older and really want to have a family and give a child an amazing life. We need some help on how to get started and the cost so we can make our family complete. Thank you.

I would like to know the cost for articial insemination for my fiancee and I. We are a lesbian couple that lives in michigan and we been talking about this for four years now. We tired to find friends to donate to us but either they have girlfriends or they want to do it the old fashion way. We would like to be pregnant before we are 30. We are both 27 right now. So i would like to know what steps we need to take so we can have our baby soon.

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