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Choosing a Carrier
Once you have completed an agency’s admissions process, you will be given the profiles of several surrogates. Usually, agencies will offer recommendations based on your individual needs and the availability of surrogates at that time. You have the opportunity to meet your potential surrogate at "match meetings," and decide if she is the right fit for you and your family. The surrogate can use these meetings to get to know you as well.
Women choose to be surrogates for many reasons. Some get a sense of fulfillment by helping others who can’t carry a pregnancy themselves. Others enjoy the unique and magical feeling pregnancy can provide. It takes a special and giving person to make this kind of sacrifice. Although they are compensated financially, most surrogates do not have selfish motives. They want to help you achieve your dreams of having a family.
Medical and Psychological History
The most important issues when determining the suitability of a surrogate are the medical and psychological health of the candidate. Most agencies perform stringent physical and psychological screenings prior to the matching process. It’s helpful to know if she can get pregnant easily. Avoid surrogates who have had gestational diabetes, premature deliveries, or other serious issues. Confirm that she is a non-smoker and has no history of drug or alcohol abuse.
It’s also important for her to be emotionally stable and mature enough to realize that you would be trusting her with the life of your child. It is best if the carrier has children of her own. Then, at the birth, she’s less likely to be conflicted about relinquishing the baby to its parents.
Find a surrogate that has a supportive community around her. It’s important that her family and friends agree with what she is doing. There should be an in-depth interview of the surrogate – and her husband, if married – to make sure they are in agreement and understand the impact surrogacy may have on them and their family. They should also be questioned to ensure that they are financially stable with no criminal or bankruptcy history. A surrogate who is offering to carry your child because she is desperate for the money is probably not a good choice.
It is vital that the relationship with your surrogate is open and supportive. Avoid anonymous surrogacy arrangements. Talk to her on a regular basis and go to her medical appointments with her if you can. Some surrogates become close friends with the family and maintain a relationship with them even after the child is born.